meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Enjoy the penises
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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