The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
