drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
