she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
