He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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