It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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