he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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