Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
