Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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