I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
