It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
organizing the empties. That sober.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
