Fine. I'll sleep in my office
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize