Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
