Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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