ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize