I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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