Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
