we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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