I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
