I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Bring me that man meat
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
