i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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