What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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