i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
