I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
