Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
