I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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