i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
