Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
