What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
