Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
