We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
