Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
