When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
