I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
