we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
