Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
