He had one of those small greek statue penises
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i dont even know how to be here
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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