I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
