you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
