Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
