Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I love you. Go after that dick
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
