I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
