Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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