Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
