My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
