so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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