i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
