this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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