i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
