so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
bring money and cleavage
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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