There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
