you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
