party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize