he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Randomize