I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
