Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
