this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
