he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
