How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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