Don't you send me to vm
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
