well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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