Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
