I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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