Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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