I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
