we're blogging at a bar
I just pynch a tree in the face
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
