The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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