I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
should my penis look like a turkey
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
