how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
