my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I believe in your delicious
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
