careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
