**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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