id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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