Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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