I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
