so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
